spray tan update and my sucky life

I got back from Spain yesterday, oh how I want to go back. I was happy in Spain, I had friends in Spain, I was myself in Spain.

Now I am home.

I'm not depressed, I know that much. I'm just down, and I don't know how long it will take me to pull out of this. I thought it would get better after my holiday, but after 10 days of bliss, I just feel worse now I'm bag in the real world, back to my life. I also get exam results a week today, and the thought of them makes me feel physically ill. I can't even bear to think about how bad I will be feeling in 7 days. Oh well, I'll just deal with it when it comes, if I can.

On a slightly less depressing note, I said in my last post I would show the results of my spray tan when it was fullly developed, and I have to say, it got pretty dark... compared to my normal skin anyway. I have the same skin tone (although i'm covered in freckles) as the girl I'm with in the picture, so you can see the difference:

Actually it was quite a bit darker than this picture shows... Ah well, despite this, I loved it, being tanned makes you so much more confident, your skin looks so much healthier, you look more toned, just everything is nicer! For me though, I would not get it again before going on holiday, a bit of a mistake on that part. For the first 2 days it was great, but the chlorine and salt water did not result in an even fade whatsoever. Bit embarrasing for the most part. Either way, my holiday was still brilliant despite my fake tan mishap, its being back to normality that's depressing.

keep smiling,
kirsty

theres a first for everything - SPRAY TAN!

So I got my fake tan done today... and I'm happy with it, i think...
Honestly, I'm so pale, and I don't like being pale, but with my circumstances, fake tan hasn't been top on my list of priorities, so of course I've dealt with it. I went in with the notion that when I walked out of the salon I would be bronzed and beautiful, but honestly, I'm pale and freckly, so there was no way I would retreat looking like an amazon goddess, it would be ridiculous. So I go in to my wee room, stand there awkwardly in my underwear until the assistant comes knocking, where she informs me I can keep my underwear on or take it off (pretty sure I almost cried at the notion of being butt naked in front of her, safe to say I have pasty white strips where my bra and knickers were), and asked me what type of tan I was going for, to which I replied not too dark... and off we went. Walking out, I hated it. It was pale, sticky, and slightly orange tinged, and I began to regret it, but as my day went on, the colours developed and its getting better as it goes. I took before and after pictures, although I took the after pictures about an hour after, so the difference is extremely extremely subtle, its a lot deeper colour now, but still very natural, I'll have to update this once I've washed once. Hence exhibit A:

Small wee outfit of the day- dress from H&M, was about 12 pounds if I remember correctly, primark belt. This the only baggy thing I own? Like I have baggy tops, but no baggy bottoms whatsoever, and your not supposed to have anything tight on after a tan, so I settled for this. Excuse the no makeup/topknot, preparing for my tan meant no products whatsoever, I was determined to follow every rule to a tee! I have to say, definietly impressed with the tan, although yet to decide wether I want it darker or not, I'll let you know when I finally make up my mind.

Peace out bubs,

Kirsty

new beginnings suck

I don't think I can honestly explain how bad this to summer has been. I'm going to try, but its hard to convey just how sucky I have felt the majority of the time; and we're only three weeks in. I made a list of reasons as to why it has been so bad, and yes, I made this list on my own, on my bed, in my baggy jumper with greasy hair and no makeup, which in its self represents my past three weeks. As for my list, these are the reasons I am positively jumping to go back to school:

1. I've lost the majority of the people I used to call close friends.
2. I've lost my best friend.
3. I've gained ten pounds.
4. My acne has returned.
5. I moved gymnastics club, so I have to start again, with my friends, my training, the lot.
6. I can count the number of times I've gone out with people- that aren't my mum- on one hand.
7. I cannot find a job, but my education maintenance allowance has been postponed till I go back to school, therefore I'm skint.
8. I think I'm becoming depressed.

These things may seem so trivial, but they add up. I have all but no friends, so I don't go out: I don't go out, so I sit and eat, hence I put on weight: I eat bad foods, and a lot of them, so my skin got bad: my skin and weight are shit right now, so on the rare occasion I do get invited out, I don't want to go and generally make excuses: so I do nothing. And mentally, I'm getting more and more messed up. I can feel it, and I'm trying to stop it, I really am, but it feels as though I make an effort and it doesn't work. I just fall down again, and I'm scared one of these times I am not going to be able to get back up. I'm not too sure what a blog is going to do, but in all honesty, this summer would have been a whole lot darker if I didn't have the mounds of fashion and health and beauty blogs to trawl through, so even if I could feel like I was talking to, reaching out, being listened to, by just one person, it might give me the motivation to pick myself back up.

I'm going to reverse every one of those items on my list. Well, maybe not reverse some of them as such, but at least counteract them, and I'm going to improve my life. I have one more year left of high school before I go to university, and I want it to be a good one, so if I need to spend the remainder of my summer trying to fix the mess I got myself into in order to ensure a good year, then I will, I have to. I'm going to take one small step at a time, even if it means tiny ones. I made my first one at lunchtime today: I booked in for a spray tan tomorrow. It may seem small and almost insignificant, but its a start. Baby steps, that is all.

Please, although my posts lack substance and are full of general complaining, hopefully when my outlook gets better so will my blog. Until then, go ahead and follow, make yourself feel better knowing theres someone out there having a worse summer than you are?!

chin up but,
Kirsty