AAABB

I'm not a failure in life = score!
I got my exam results, AAABB at scottish higher level. So for all you english, I think thats the equivalent of A levels?  Either way, chuffed to pieces, I can now get offers for most university courses I've been looking at, which is another problem completely but, since I have not a clue which one to choose. My options are ranging from copmputer science and forensics, to sports science and nutrition, to law to fashion business?! I hate decisions.



cheeky wee things at the SQA

 Got a bit of a fright but, sitting on the train minding my own going into town to shop for school supplies with a friend when my results came through, a day early! The company the exam board hired to distribute the results via text mucked up and the results came through on the 4th instead of the 5th, not complaning but, I passed and I found out a day early!

Good luck to anyone else still to get there results, hope your as happy as I am!

I shall start with yet another apology, but this time I swear I have someone else to blame it on! Ryanair, the cheeky little shites. I originally started this blog with the daily intention to post outfits and general clothes ramblings, instead, i'm yet to do one fashion related post, thanks to Ryanair. I went on holiday on the 17th, and being me, packed just about my full wardrobe, leaving out a dressing gown, and 9/10 other items. On the 28th I flew back. On the 28th, Ryanair lost my clothes. Long story short, I have no clothes, so I've been looking a bit shall we say not so put together, but I have a whole 58p in my bank, and as I am currently unemployed, when I do come in to money, or finally get a job (IMPOSSIBLE.) then replenishing my tshirt collection will be the last thing on my list.  As such, anyone got ideas to make some money? I've just sold my phone... I'm considering my DVD/CD collection, even trying surveys, I'm desperate here, I don't even have clothes to sell! :L Anyway, here's some pictures to document my past few days...

1.2.

3.4.

5.6.

7.8.

9.10.

1. beachn it on saturday, buried sophie in the sand 2. what i've been living off of for 3 weeks 3. wee outfit of the day, even though its a pretty bad attempt (miss selfridge trousers, ebay top, ebay cardie orignally UO, primark shoes) 4. river island bag, which is getting sold cos i'm skint 5. saw harry potter, it was AMAZING 6. the apartment block next to my house, my dream flat right there 7. was planning on doing before/after shots on my wee dinner, only made the before ones...8. nice gymnastics shorts ;) 9. the birthday girl when we went out for drinks and chinese (there was 24 of us...) 10. snap shot

i cannot socialise

Facebook is killing my ability to socialise. Well, not facebook alone, but texting, IM'ing, the lot.. Although this post may seem slightly out of the blue, I was reading Gem's post on the new Nivea campaign, a million moments of closeness, in which she confronts the idea of the diminishing effect facebook and twitter has had on the moments of closeness with real people, and some of the points she made struck home. I am completely guilty of losing touch with reality in moments, living my life solely through my computer especially during summer, only leaving the house to train or for proper occasions. And in doing this, I make my life so much harder to live when I finally pull my arse back out into the real world. This past maybe week and a half I've been having to sort out my real life friends to the ones I talk to purely online- despite going to the same school or being in the same friends circle, and its been hard to accept that these people who I believe I am extremely close to, really exist to me only in the land of social media. And some of these make for extremely awkward real life encounters....Take for example J*. I met him at a mutual friends birthday party 3 years ago, and although I greeted him warmly enough, didn't have a conversation with him the full night, but the next day, we became facebook friends, and started chatting casually, which resulted in swapping numbers and msns. From this day on, I talked to him just about every day for the next few months, both content that we would never have to actually see each other face to face, relieved almost, if we saw each other, we'd have to confront what we knew was feelings, and thats never good. It wasn't until the next year at the same mutual friends birthday dinner, that I actually saw him again face to face. We didn't talk. We caught eyes, it would be awkward, we'd smile, look away. We were both nervous and we sat at opposite ends of the table and didn't say a word, mature eh? Of course, that night, we text talking about how we didn't talk? Acting as though it was just an inconvencience of timing at the table, not the awkward reality that although we were thick as thieves over BBM, we had nothing to say to each other's faces. Yet still, we talked for another year, most days, although we went through phases. Roll on the 3rd encounter, about 6 months after, at another mutual friends birthday party.  And believe it or not, we talked. We talked a lot, like the way we texted. However we were both drunk, we weren't sober or truly aware, but we were as close as we were every night at midnight when we sat in bed with our phones glued to our hands. I thought it was a turning point, but no, I saw him again 2 months later at group trip to the beach, where we didn't talk once. Sad, disappointing, and yet, I have no one to blame but myself, and him. And facebook. You may wonder what the point of this whole story was? Well here it is, Facebook gave me a relationship with this boy, it brought my close to him, gave me someone to lean on and trust, a friend when no one else was there, and yet, it wasn't real, and whilst we were extremely close through our phones, when we were physically close, we couldn't even talk. If I hadn't had this 'thing' with him over facebook, then at those parties, I would have had no problem talking to him one to one, and so I would have met the boy that is so truly kind and considerate, but for real this time. Not via IM. So facebook was a kick in the teeth there...

In other news, I've been a bit MIA from blogging in the past week. I've been trying to pull myself out of this slight depression I've been in since summer began, and it seems to work during the day, it's just the nights that are bad at the moment, I'll just sit on my bed and stare at the wall for what feels like days, it's like I'm in a trance. But I don't want to talk or see or be near anyone.. It is getting better though, I know that much. Tomorrow I'll be putting on a pretty picture heavy post to show why I've been MIA these past few days, but for now, I'll leave you with these, boredum on the train home from a birthday dinner, drunken and exhausted, we took a few rather ugly looking pictures.. but still, it was fun! Excuse the lack of makeup (trying to fix my skin in time for going back to school) and unfixed hair (harry potter was on when I was getting ready, harry potter trumps looking good)...

spray tan update and my sucky life

I got back from Spain yesterday, oh how I want to go back. I was happy in Spain, I had friends in Spain, I was myself in Spain.

Now I am home.

I'm not depressed, I know that much. I'm just down, and I don't know how long it will take me to pull out of this. I thought it would get better after my holiday, but after 10 days of bliss, I just feel worse now I'm bag in the real world, back to my life. I also get exam results a week today, and the thought of them makes me feel physically ill. I can't even bear to think about how bad I will be feeling in 7 days. Oh well, I'll just deal with it when it comes, if I can.

On a slightly less depressing note, I said in my last post I would show the results of my spray tan when it was fullly developed, and I have to say, it got pretty dark... compared to my normal skin anyway. I have the same skin tone (although i'm covered in freckles) as the girl I'm with in the picture, so you can see the difference:

Actually it was quite a bit darker than this picture shows... Ah well, despite this, I loved it, being tanned makes you so much more confident, your skin looks so much healthier, you look more toned, just everything is nicer! For me though, I would not get it again before going on holiday, a bit of a mistake on that part. For the first 2 days it was great, but the chlorine and salt water did not result in an even fade whatsoever. Bit embarrasing for the most part. Either way, my holiday was still brilliant despite my fake tan mishap, its being back to normality that's depressing.

keep smiling,
kirsty

theres a first for everything - SPRAY TAN!

So I got my fake tan done today... and I'm happy with it, i think...
Honestly, I'm so pale, and I don't like being pale, but with my circumstances, fake tan hasn't been top on my list of priorities, so of course I've dealt with it. I went in with the notion that when I walked out of the salon I would be bronzed and beautiful, but honestly, I'm pale and freckly, so there was no way I would retreat looking like an amazon goddess, it would be ridiculous. So I go in to my wee room, stand there awkwardly in my underwear until the assistant comes knocking, where she informs me I can keep my underwear on or take it off (pretty sure I almost cried at the notion of being butt naked in front of her, safe to say I have pasty white strips where my bra and knickers were), and asked me what type of tan I was going for, to which I replied not too dark... and off we went. Walking out, I hated it. It was pale, sticky, and slightly orange tinged, and I began to regret it, but as my day went on, the colours developed and its getting better as it goes. I took before and after pictures, although I took the after pictures about an hour after, so the difference is extremely extremely subtle, its a lot deeper colour now, but still very natural, I'll have to update this once I've washed once. Hence exhibit A:

Small wee outfit of the day- dress from H&M, was about 12 pounds if I remember correctly, primark belt. This the only baggy thing I own? Like I have baggy tops, but no baggy bottoms whatsoever, and your not supposed to have anything tight on after a tan, so I settled for this. Excuse the no makeup/topknot, preparing for my tan meant no products whatsoever, I was determined to follow every rule to a tee! I have to say, definietly impressed with the tan, although yet to decide wether I want it darker or not, I'll let you know when I finally make up my mind.

Peace out bubs,

Kirsty

new beginnings suck

I don't think I can honestly explain how bad this to summer has been. I'm going to try, but its hard to convey just how sucky I have felt the majority of the time; and we're only three weeks in. I made a list of reasons as to why it has been so bad, and yes, I made this list on my own, on my bed, in my baggy jumper with greasy hair and no makeup, which in its self represents my past three weeks. As for my list, these are the reasons I am positively jumping to go back to school:

1. I've lost the majority of the people I used to call close friends.
2. I've lost my best friend.
3. I've gained ten pounds.
4. My acne has returned.
5. I moved gymnastics club, so I have to start again, with my friends, my training, the lot.
6. I can count the number of times I've gone out with people- that aren't my mum- on one hand.
7. I cannot find a job, but my education maintenance allowance has been postponed till I go back to school, therefore I'm skint.
8. I think I'm becoming depressed.

These things may seem so trivial, but they add up. I have all but no friends, so I don't go out: I don't go out, so I sit and eat, hence I put on weight: I eat bad foods, and a lot of them, so my skin got bad: my skin and weight are shit right now, so on the rare occasion I do get invited out, I don't want to go and generally make excuses: so I do nothing. And mentally, I'm getting more and more messed up. I can feel it, and I'm trying to stop it, I really am, but it feels as though I make an effort and it doesn't work. I just fall down again, and I'm scared one of these times I am not going to be able to get back up. I'm not too sure what a blog is going to do, but in all honesty, this summer would have been a whole lot darker if I didn't have the mounds of fashion and health and beauty blogs to trawl through, so even if I could feel like I was talking to, reaching out, being listened to, by just one person, it might give me the motivation to pick myself back up.

I'm going to reverse every one of those items on my list. Well, maybe not reverse some of them as such, but at least counteract them, and I'm going to improve my life. I have one more year left of high school before I go to university, and I want it to be a good one, so if I need to spend the remainder of my summer trying to fix the mess I got myself into in order to ensure a good year, then I will, I have to. I'm going to take one small step at a time, even if it means tiny ones. I made my first one at lunchtime today: I booked in for a spray tan tomorrow. It may seem small and almost insignificant, but its a start. Baby steps, that is all.

Please, although my posts lack substance and are full of general complaining, hopefully when my outlook gets better so will my blog. Until then, go ahead and follow, make yourself feel better knowing theres someone out there having a worse summer than you are?!

chin up but,
Kirsty

I am I am I am

I should probably start this blog with something meaningful and timely, but I'm in no mood to do so, and instead shall ramble about a book I just finished. During summer, I read. Full stop, end of, I read.  I cannot read during term time, so when the holidays roll around, so do the books. And I thought this summer, instead of reading my usual chick flick, I'd actually expand my knowledge of literature and read some big girl books. I'll do a full post dedicated to my summer reading list sometime later this week, since I'm too lazy to find the authors names at this moment in time... 

So my first conquest on my book list was 'The Bell Jar' by Slvia Plath, a novel I wanted to read simply because people said you should, as opposed to an actual interest in the book. I read this in about 3 days, as it is fairly short, but I'm not really sure what to say about it, I'm indifferent. It is described in the blurb as 'a novel that in looking at the madness of the world and the world of madness it forces us to consider the great question posed by all truly realistic fction: What is reality and how can it be confronted?'. Essentially, a personal account of a young womens descent into madness, and her attempts at suicide, intriguing, yes? The book was not boring, but I didn't find it all that engaging or influential, merely a time passer. I would recommend the book in the sense that some people can have a significant reaction to it,  my friend Helen, who originally recommended the book to me, said it was one of her favourite books, so clearly she's seeing something I'm missing, I think I'll need to read it twice to get the full effect, but for now, i'm unmoved.

Next on my list; The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, and so far, a much easier read, but that doesn't neccessarily mean it will be better. We'll see.